Covid-19 Got Me Like…

Did we just hit the reset button on the planet? Or I should say…did the planet just hit the reset button on us? There’s only so much a nice, kind planet can take before it tries to shake off 6 billion assholes such as ourselves. Earth is thinning the herd as all hosts eventually do when they become overrun.

Now I work from home, cook at home, don’t leave home unless I need toothpaste, deodorant or cake. Recently, I went about a week without deodorant, but if a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to hear it fall…did it really smell that bad anyway? I also became aware yesterday that I hadn’t taken a shower in about 4 days. Not too bad. I am starting to “remember” personal hygiene when I have to get on a video conference call. As if it’s a real meeting and someone is going to shame me for not combing my hair today. For some reason I feel like I need to be showered with make-up and hair done for everyone to only see my face which is mostly fuzzy anyway. That black blouse might look really nice, but down below, I have lavender pajama bottoms on with multi-colored rainbows and unicorns! And…they match that black shirt perfectly!

Two days ago, I declared I would fight my daughter if she came back in the house in the following 24 hours after an argument and I believe at the time I was sincere. I guess sometimes anger overrides reality.

I made a cake and had a lot of cream cheese frosting left over. I just shoved the mixing bowl in the fridge and ate every bit of it, down to scraping the bowl, the following day. Now every morning when I wake up, I have to stop myself from eating two sticks of butter, a pack of cream cheese and 4 cups of powdered sugar with salt and vanilla.

Some days it’s not easy being me.

At the beginning of the quarantine, I said things like…

  • I’m going to lose so much weight that my coworkers won’t recognize me when we all get back to the office. (That cream cheese frosting is really going to help!)
  • I’m going to let my hair grow out till it’s all silver/gray! And my coworkers won’t recognize me!
  • I’m going to start dressing like a hippie and…

I just created a post-apocalyptic grandmother, who for some unknown reason doesn’t want anyone to recognize her! I was already desperately hanging onto the last vestiges of middle age. Apparently as this Covid-19 scenario plays out…I completely give up on myself!

I keep forgetting what day it is and for some reason I keep forgetting my house number. It was right there every day when I came home from work…just to the right of the garage door as I pulled in mostly every day of my life. I took the dog out to pee this morning and looked at the numbers…414, 414, 414…how could I forget 414?! Two of the numbers are the same!

I tried to cut my own hair. You know ideas like this are always prefaced in your mind with phrases like…

  • Salons obviously charge too much!
  • How hard could it be?
  • I’ve got this…I have (new-found) faith in myself!

It only really worked in the front. My daughter rescued me from looking like Joe Dirt and cut off the long piece in the back.

The psychological burden of Covid-19 seems overwhelming at times. Do I want to fight my daughter while eating cream cheese frosting…no…but it would make a really good picture to post on Facebook, which is another addiction I have developed. Do I really want to look 60? No… but I also have abandoned shaving, dying my hair, cutting my toenails and wearing anything that could be construed as “nice”. Showering is optional. The Nag Champa I am now burning gives me that hippie smell anyway. I’m halfway there!

Hang in there and leave me a comment on what you have given up on due to quarantine!

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